Pug Jett

Just another global2.vic.edu.au site

100 WC

February12

We were moving very fast when the tire popped I was almost the finish line I was in shock my car was about to flip over in flipped over I hit my head and went into hospital. I had a crack in my skull and my brain was bleeding and had many fractions. I look at the TV and I won the race there were doctors all around me I had trouble breathing. The doctor  were talking and I was closing my eyes and I was dying. I was scared and then I let go of my body and died

by posted under Uncategorized | 2 Comments »    
2 Comments to

“100 WC”

  1. February 19th, 2018 at 11:31 am      Reply Jusden (Team 100) Says:

    Hi Jett,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a opening that describes how you were moving very fast. While you use the prompt to good effect immediately, you describe a thrilling setting of a race, which takes a horrific turn. By explaining in the first sentence what the piece will be about, a high intensity race, you create a structure which the reader can follow. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This topic of a races is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have seen one before. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too have experienced watching such races. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as the shock you felt, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific words like the skull ‘crack’ demonstrates great imagination and is very topical in the setting, a medical one. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. You describe the the car flipping, which really holds the reader in suspense, developing the story even more. The turn of the piece to a clinical medical setting is also really well done, and the morbid ending really ends the piece on a shocker, with the death of the character lingering with the reader. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of sentencing. Keep up the good work!


    • February 23rd, 2018 at 2:08 am      Reply jett2016 Says:

      Thanks for writing me this big comment and l like that you read it and and put your own time to write it and just thanks.


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